Everyone knows the common phrase, “love at first sight.” It is whimsical and aspirational but, of course, it is also incomplete. Despite another popular phrase (“all you need is love”), relationships do not thrive on love alone. In fact, it might be a more accurate barometer of long-term healthy connections if they were based on a new phrase: “all you need is trust.” Love can often be an instant feeling — almost impossible to define. Trust takes time because it’s earned more than bestowed. Trust can also be lost faster than love. When trust is lost, it has the capacity to become an issue.
What Is Meant By “Trust Issues”?
Trust requires risk. To have “trust issues” is to be unwilling — for many possible reasons — to take risks with others. You may fear you’ll be betrayed or manipulated or abandoned. Any of these fears may be based on your experience. Consequently, you are simply unable to risk such outcomes again. You may be friendly, outgoing, and popular — but you keep others at arm’s length. This can hurt you and hurt others. A deeper connection cannot be made and everyone loses out.
Why do people have trust issues? As mentioned, they can result from some bad experiences in the past. Such experiences can go all the way back to your childhood — back when you formed your attachment style.
Trust Issues and Attachment Insecurity
According to attachment theory, human attachments typically fall into three broad categories:
Anything except “secure” puts you in a precarious position when it comes to letting down your guard. Depending on how you were treated by your primary childhood caregivers, you can still heal. Even in adulthood feeling fully secure in an attachment relationship is possible.
Attachment styles are not inherently permanent. With dedication and motivation, your attachment style can be altered. As a result, you can change your perception, behaviors, and outcomes immensely — at any age!
Educate yourself on attachment theory. Talk to others in your life to help recognize patterns that may not be visible to you. The more curious you are about the forces acting on you, the deeper you can comprehend why you feel and act as you do. Knowledge is power — and a never-ending journey.
Own Your Attachment Story You didn’t ask to be raised as you were. However, You can re-write your role by challenging ways you may be perpetuating this cycle in your current life and within yourself by.:
Trust Someone to Help You Learn To Trust More
When it comes to cultivating trust, much of the advice may be filed under “easier said than done.” For this reason, it makes sense to consider counseling as your first step. Regular therapy sessions are like a laboratory of sorts for practicing the process of trusting. Underlying issues are identified. New strategies are suggested. The results are discussed. All of this adds up to a deeper awareness of the factors influencing your behavior. With that foundation, trust may not seem as dangerous or daunting as it does now. You can build secure attachment relationships and heal from attachment trauma.